Bush on the trail of a new Attorney General?

With the resignation of Alberto Gonzales as the US Attorney General, President George Bush is actively seeking a replacement. Has he already found one?

George W. was in New Orleans yesterday to commemorate the two year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. Accompanying the President for dinner was who I believe is his top choice for Attorney General, Drew Brees.

Asked to comment, Bush said, "You may think it sounds crazy, but think about it. Look what Mr. Brees did with the Saints! He turned the Saints... that's right, the Saints into a freakin offensive juggernaut! If he can turn the Saints around, the Attorney General's office will be a piece of cake. We'd be glad to have such a fine American on staff."

Drew Brees responded to questions about his dinner with the President saying, "It wasn't quite what I was expecting. You see, I thought I was to be dining with Reggie. But it wasn't a total loss, the gumbo was really good."

Apparently desiring to remain mum on the situation, Brees made no mention of the opening at Attorney General.

Saturday Night in Tiger Stadium

Climbing up the hill I reach a set of gates standing stalwart on either side of the path. As I cross the boundary, a surge hits me. Not something erratic or out of control but rather a soothing, calming surge of deep arcane energy flowing up from the ground through my feet and into my body. I know that I have passed the boundary and my journey has begun.

As my feet carry me forward, I am infused with a great sense of protection. Above me are great, stately oaks and looming, broad magnolias, providing strength to me that I know can only come from that which has survived years unknown to a man. They stand with might as generations pass below them, oh the wisdom of the long-standing, deep rooted trees. They humble me and remind me of who I am. Forward my journey continues.

As I break from the coverage of the arching branches, I see opening before me a great clearing. Like a whisper, I hear a faint sound of voices coming from ahead of me though the inflection indicates its strength and force. As I walk onward the sound grows louder. I abandon my physical senses and start listening with the spirit that is being called from inside me. The open field slowly becomes populated with a whisper of visions. They slowly materialize and I clearly see regimens forming before my eyes, standing strong and unbending on parade for generals past. Beating through my veins, I feel the power of the men of courage, the men of war that walked these grounds before me. My heart glows from within me. Forward my journey continues.

I come now to a quiet, peaceful place. Halls brimming with inspiration form an open quadrangle, in the middle of which are delicate but sturdy trees that provide a calming shade. Cool patches of grass dapple the grounds. It is a place of comfort, of meditation. Coursing from the buildings surrounding this refuge is great knowledge, the kind of knowledge that molds me into something better than I was before. Its presence envelops me as I walk through its corridors and my eyes shine with insight. Forward my journey continues.

I step ahead now and see the path flowing down in front of me. As I steadily advance, my eyes behold a great coliseum, the target of my journey. Simply, it is imposing. Its gray, concrete walls tower above me. To those opposed, it says beware while to its allies, it says come inside and let me empower you. I accept the invitation and cross the magical boundary.

Immediately I am possessed with the power that exists within this great construction. I make my way up the ramps until I come to the opening of the portal through which I am destined to walk. And so I do.

The great stadium opens before me. Every bit of sensation that has so far built up inside of me starts pushing itself outward. I see thousands upon thousands of my brothers surrounding the field on which a great battle is about to be waged. We know our role in this battle and each of us is prepared to pour out our entire souls to help ensure victory. The force inside of me is now pressed at the surface, awaiting the final call to be released... And soon the call begins.

BOOM… BOOM… BOOM BOOM BOOM. The cadence beats slowly, issuing its calls for the final preparation of the explosion of energy that is about to be released. BOOM… BOOM… BOOM BOOM BOOM. Get yourselves ready, my brothers, for the time is near!

CRASH! TATITI-TAT-TAT TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT TTTTTT. (My blood, my being are now boiling, awaiting the chant that will release this potent energy!) CRASH! TATITI-TAT-TAT TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT TTTTTT. (How much longer can I enclose the excitement that has consumed my body!) CRASH! TITITI-TITITI CRASH! TITITI CRASH! TAT TAT TAT TAT TITITI CRASH! TITITI TTTTTT CHRASH!

The slightest pause precludes what is without a doubt the most awe-inspiring release of inescapable raw energy:

DEHHH DEH DEHN-ANT!

Suddenly my body is not my own! My voice joins my brothers as we scream with a powerful battle cry, letting our opponents know they are here to face us all in unison, of one, now rabid, mind! The magic of this stadium is coursing through my veins! My body is tense and ready for impending battle! The opposition will not prevail!

My brothers, it is SATURDAY NIGHT IN TIGER STADIUM!!!